Golden Pig Tales

I wonder if there is a P.A., or Pacifiers Anonymous, for kids addicted to the pacifier? If there is, I wonder if Ezra should join for he has shown addiction minutes ago with whimpers and a frantic search for his pacifier last seen behind the couch, but the pacifier was missing from behind the couch for it was in my pocket. I tried not to give him his pacifier, but the intense expressions and sounds coming from Ezra reminded me of a smoker who hadn’t had a cigarette all day. He had only been without pacifier for a few minutes after he dropped it, on purpose, behind the couch. He forgot about it while we played blocks and while he swept the floor, but then suddenly there was a need for the pacifier, so he looked behind the couch and didn’t see a pacifier then began to have pacifier withdrawals.

I have given in. He has his pacifier now and is calm and sucking away. I reason his stress for pacifier need not be for he probably is still going through withdrawals from no more nursing. At least it won’t destroy his lungs and increase the chances of throat and lung cancer.

I came home from my work trip and decided it was an opportune time to close Mom’s Milk Bar for good. He has been a little upset at the closure of what I think is his favorite hang-out/chill-out spot. Ezra last nursed on Wednesday morning. When I woke up with him on Friday, he didn’t really try to nurse so I thought the shut-down would be easy. Friday after we came home from playcare, however, Ezra really reallyreallyreally really wanted to nurse, and it was hard to tell him no while he was wailing and crying. But I didn’t give in, and today we had a couple of requests and pouting when being denied but it wasn’t as extreme as Friday. I think Ezra might be able to get over the end of this era quicker than I will.

Ezra’s going through early withdrawals from breast feeding. He goes through tantrums with head shaking and voice screaming and shouting. His head lunges towards -v-’s breast if near. He even pointed at my chest late last night after waking.

He is grabbing pillows and holding them expecting for the pillow to be laid on -v-’s lab followed by Ezra. Instead he is left holding the pillow feeling the pain of withdrawal. This leads into fussing and crying. More signs of addiction.

Little does Ezra know that breaking his addiction to his pacifier is next.

Yay! Yay! Yay! Ezra is 15 months old today! And right now, he is crying in his crib because he woke up due to a stuffy nose, and I went in to check on him picked him up and gave him a hug, and now he wants me to nurse him, and I am trying very hard to work with him to give up the night nursings after he goes to bed. But he is very VERY persistent and stubborn and knows what he wants, so he pulls quite a screaming kicking crying tantrum in hopes it will make me give in (again) and give him the boob.   These night nursings have definitely become his comfort device, and I would like for Ezra to learn how to find comfort in other ways and other things aside from my boobs. I would like for him to be satisfied with a hug and cuddle when he wakes up at night for whatever reason.  Plus, I need Ezra to learn that when I say no I mean it so tonight I must not give in!

I have been nursing Ezra less and less the last few weeks. Ezra won’t have much to do with a bottle anymore, either. Which means that whatever I pump for daycare goes right down the sink instead of in Ezra’s belly. This leads me to believe that he doesn’t really need as much of my milk anymore, and nursing is probably more of a comfort than a necessity. I’ve noticed that even on days when I am home with him, he nurses much less partially because he’s eating 3 solid meals plus snacks and and partially because he doesn’t have as much time for nursing if he’s going to also climb stairs, navigate his corral, play with Jigga, read books, take naps, help me with my computering, and climb up my legs.

So we’re moving in what seems to be a natural way toward weaning, I guess. This is probably good - I am hoping to avoid a situation where I am having to pry a 2 year-old’s hands off my boobs because he still wants to nurse whenever he feels like it, or a 3 year-old who carries around a bottle everywhere. But it is a painful change in two ways: a) I see that my relationship with Ezra will never be the same once he stops nursing and this make me sort of sad because I realize how quickly he’s going to grow up and stop needing me for anything; and b) my boobs are not quite sure how much milk to produce and when, and sometimes I’m a little over-full and that’s painful in its own way, but it’s led to a slight case of mastitis, which sort of feels like someone’s trying to pull small rocks out my nipples, which freaking hurts!